This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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