she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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