Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
