Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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