I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
