so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
