I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize