I need to stop coming to work sober
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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