there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
