i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize