We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
