no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
