Yo dont text me then not text me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
