Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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