We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
