Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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