my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
