Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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