Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
