i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just googled if crying burns calories
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
