Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is my gift to your gina
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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