I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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