he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
