please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
