Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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