why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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