I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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