After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
