I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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