Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
