Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
