If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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