I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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