when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
