i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize