That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
