she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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