Your tits are I can't wait for
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
