question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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