You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize