have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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