I just threw up on my dentist
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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