So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize