Your dad touched me again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
