Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
