I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
