dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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