Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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