i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
