he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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