I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
