Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
