Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
