soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
