on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
