you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
