walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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