In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
