I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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