So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Bring me that man meat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
