I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
