I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
