Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
