If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's get the cat blown out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
