I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
