My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
