just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
