This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
