Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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