I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
