i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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