he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
