it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
