Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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