Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
