Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
