Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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