Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
