so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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