i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
