I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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