Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
