There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
