how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize