I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
