google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
