If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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