the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
