It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
