Sry I called you an 8
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
