Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
