Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
