Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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