He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
