It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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