I got chris browned last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
