she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
