the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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