Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
