I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
