I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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